Crappy crap. I hate to be at a crossroads in life. I hate to decide on something that will affect the lives of others, especially my loved ones.
A few days ago, Dear Hubby gave me the green light to apply for an opening in one of the MNCs in K.L. Since then, I am at the verge of deciding whether I should be a full time mother or to return to the workforce. No doubt I love cutie pies but to take care of them full time? I don't know. Firstly, I can't stand crying babies, especially the super cranky ones. And my daughter happens to fall into that category, the super cranky baby. Moreover, baby tricks don't work on her when she's crying and screaming away. Secondly, I need to maintain the value of my job experiences that might be lost over time if not used. To return to the workforce also means to live apart from Dear Hubby who'll be in Jakarta for another year or two. Baby will have to grow up with only mommy by her side and Dear Hubby, on the other hand, will very much miss his daughter's first few years of rapid development. Sad.
Therefore, which is better?
To stay home, raise my baby full time and feel like some useless hag in years to come... or to work, maintain my value in the workforce and keep repeating to myself that I'm a bad, bad mother?